I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
