How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
