So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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