i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
