Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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