apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
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If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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