Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
