i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
