Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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