the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
