erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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