On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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