So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
