if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
