I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
