The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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