I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
