The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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