bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I had to cum in my sink.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
