Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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