Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
