Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
