I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
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so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
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Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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