You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Sober January is a disaster.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
