I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
