cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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