never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
