i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
