this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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