my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
And then the night went full on bisexual.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
