If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
