A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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