you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She bit a glass in half.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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