PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
