Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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