Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
