Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
