All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's never too late to be topless.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm really busy with my period
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