She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
