i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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