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Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.