those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.