I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?