i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......