I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
