If i come over, it means nothing
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.