Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening