I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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