Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?