Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
