she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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