Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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