I met the friendliest cop last night
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
