This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
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Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
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The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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