am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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