I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
