Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
