All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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