she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
