You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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