WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
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this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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