So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
