woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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