Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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