he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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