dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
