the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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