I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
