he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
How's work?
Spinning.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
