All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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