We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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