I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
