he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
