3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
