so that wasnt chicken after all
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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