You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
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So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
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Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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