I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
How naked do you want me to be?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
