I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I can text with my tongue
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
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