i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
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You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
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Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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