He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I got inside last night via doggy door
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
