but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If I die, sorry about rent.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
