FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
