I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
