My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
