Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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