I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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