Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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